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Panic sets in at 5 AM. "What the hell am I doing?" is the only thing that's running through my brain.

Scratch that.

The panic supercedes over everything else. The millions of lists running through my brain, the planning out of my day repeatedly, and wild abandoned excitment are all the background noise.

I've woken up late and still in my clothes from the night before. I have no doubt that I looked like a strung out, hungover mess with my eye makeup smeared all over my face.

Even though The urgency is growing to finish packing and cleaning my lonely, now empty apartment, my body doesn't seem to care. No matter how panicky and full of adrenaline, I become as the minutes pass, my body is in a perpetual oozing molasses swamp.

I am a planner by heart, and when something goes wrong amidst a thoughtful, strategically planned out schedule, I want to throw a tantrum.

That early morning, until I reached Oahu was full of monkey wrenches and road blocks. It felt like the universe was testing me, to see if I really did want this, if I was ready to man-up and grab what's mine.

Amongst last minute luggage purchases, last minute packing and then repacking, last minute cleaning, 2 overweight checked bags, uncooperative airline employees, traumatized kitties, car rental denial (and me almost clocking the clerk in the face), and socially awkward movers, I made it. I'm here.

I've climbed passed the road blocks and am here...

I haven't gotten lost yet, which is a miracle considering I've been living on a dirt road for the last three years (all these highways, and "cities" are a bit overwhelming).

Also, I'm navigationally challenged. When I lived in Dallas, I rarely
knew where I was going, and when I finally started to get the hang of it, I was on my way to beautiful Hawaii.

Hawaii isn't like the mainland, logistically, so maybe that's one of the reasons why we get along so well.


I'm ready, for whatever you throw at me, universe. I'm a stubbron little girl...I don't give up so easy.