Time to let go

What would you do if you worked for someone who was deliberately trying to ruin your life?  What would you do if their superiors weren't really helping either because they didn't want to cause a raucous?
What if your superior was blaming every hiccup, every mistake, every road block....on you.  Would you give up and walk away, or fight back?

Life has been exhilarating, stress-filled, chaotic (and routine all at once), and hopeful with positive vibrations as the background noise as of late.


My baby kitties are ready to give to the SPCA.  Ive become so attached to them these past several months.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I would, but I guess i was in denial about the day actually arriving.

I think I've hit a milestone in my life...I'm completely unattached.  I've been broken up with Andrew for well over a year.  It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  I was so in love with him and he broke my heart.  To make matters worse, he continually told me he was still in love with me after we broke up, but that he couldn't be with me.  To this day he still tells me he will always love me.  It was such a hard time in my life because I thought we would be spending our lives growing together.  We were living together and planning on moving to Kauai, or Maui.

I continually pined for him long after we broke up despite moving outside of town, despite gaining another job, and making more social connections.  I even rebound dated a guy from the burger joint for a brief 3 month period.  It wasn't a rebound on a conscious effort...I was so focused with getting over Andrew, it hadn't dawned on me that this guy was simply in my efforts to get over him.  we had some things in common, but overall, he wasn't what I normally looked for in a guy.  Perhaps in some twisted way, I thought that was a good thing, because it meant they were nothing like Andrew.

I'm not sure if that 3 month mistake really did help me or if it just occupied my time, giving the illusion of help.
Regardless, after that was said and done, I was still hung up on him.  I can't be sure when that miraculous day popped out of thin air, but I've had this realization recently that for the first time, in a long fucking time, I am not hung up or attached....to anyone.  This includes crushes.  It's so exhilarating, I can't even describe.  I think this emotional/sexual celibacy will help me gain some perspective and just...be. At least for now.

I was starting to believe I would go through my last year in Hawaii, void of all connections.  I should know better by now....

I guess its better to leave on a positive note, having built lifelong connections, than just going through the motions and not fully experiencing this part of Hawaii.

There is more than meets the eye, just required a bit of investigating..

Time to let go of old feelings, of old outlooks, and preconceived notions.  Let life come as it may.

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